by MMH Team

Ever caught yourself dreaming of a magic button that could erase memories of your ex? You're not alone, and clients often ask hypnotherapists to help with this. But is it possible? Is it even the right approach? 

The idea of using hypnosis to simply forget that ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend  sounds like a neat solution to heartache. But, as we're about to unpack, erasing memories might not be the emotional silver bullet you're hoping for.

In this blog post and accompanying video, we'll discuss the ethical and effective ways of navigating the emotional aftermath of a breakup

The Lure of Forgetting

The urge to forget an ex usually stems from painful memories. When a relationship goes off the rails, it doesn’t typically end well. The pain of a breakup is, in many ways, a form of grief – a horrific sense of loss – which prompts some people to look for quick fixes.

It can also become a trigger for obsessive thinking, where those painful memories are revisited over and over again for long periods of time. Another common, but very dangerous side effect of a difficult breakup is a tremendous sense of jealousy of the ex’s next partner, because it might escalate to real world consequences.

The idea of using hypnosis to erase the painful memories and the emotional turmoil that they bring is understandable. But what if I told you that the path to healing isn't about forgetting, but about transforming our relationship with those memories?

The Ecology of Our Emotions

The idea of erasing a specific person from our memory is fraught with risks. As hypnosis trainers, we always say “ecology first”, for your subject and for yourself. In this case, that means considering the full picture of our emotional well-being.

Painful memories, as much as we despise them, play a crucial role in our personal growth, because they provide us with experience, a vital asset for future good choices. To remove memories would mean to take away all the experience that comes with them. They're like the guardrails on the highway of life, guiding us away from potential pitfalls based on past missteps.

It wouldn’t be a good idea to inadvertently erase key lessons for our emotional development, because it would negatively affect our future relationship success.

The Real Solution: Change the Emotions

Erasing the memory of a person might not even be possible, let alone useful. The potential for unintended consequences looms large. What parts of ourselves might be lost in the process? The human mind is not a computer; memories cannot be selectively deleted without unforeseen collateral damage. So what’s the alternative?

The heart of the matter is this: The memories themselves are not the real issue, but the bad emotions tied with them. Instead of trying to forget, we should focus on addressing and transforming the emotions. This is where the real work—and the real healing—begins.

So how do we do this?

Consider the process of Tad James’ Timeline Therapy®. This method allows us to look back without the emotional baggage, learning from our past without being held hostage by it. It’s like dimming the emotional intensity of past memories while keeping the lessons they taught us crystal clear. That way, we can reflect on our past from a place of calm and learning, instead of pain and regret.

Then there's our 6-Step Tapping technique, which is almost like carefully defusing an emotional bomb. Similar to EFT, it systematically works through the charged emotions linked to our memories, neutralizing the pain while keeping the memories intact. It’s important to remember the power of backfilling. When we remove something bad, we must replace that void with something good.

Reframing our experiences plays a crucial role in our healing journey as well. Instead of looking back at past relationships with regret or sorrow, we begin to see them as invaluable lessons. This shift in perspective transforms our narrative from one of loss to one of gratitude and growth. It's about recognizing that every experience, even the painful ones, contributes to our personal development and prepares us for a better future.

Another technique we love is called ADAC. This is what we call John Overdurf’s Meta Pattern, and it works by activating a negative emotion, dissociating from it, then building a powerful resource state and using that new powerful state to collapse the disempowering, negative state tied to the bad emotion. We teach this in our Academy as a universal method of change. People get amazing results in just minutes, because it’s very effective. Click here to learn more about NLP and ADAC.

Poorly trained hypnotists ask “Do you have a script for resolving negative emotions around a breakup?” Well-trained hypnotists, like those we teach at the Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy, understand the wealth of tools in their hypnotic toolbox. They ask the client effective questions and use one or more techniques to take away the negative charge of the emotions while preserving all of the learning.

In essence, healing from a breakup isn't about trying to hit the delete button on parts of our life. It's about embracing and transforming our emotional landscape, learning from our past, and moving forward. This process isn't always easy, but it's incredibly rewarding, leading us to a place where we can look back without pain and look forward with hope.

Always Build an Empowering Future

When working with a client who initially just wanted to forget an ex, you now understand that the emotions are the problem, not the memories.

Once you take away the emotional charge behind those memories, the next step is to help the client build an empowering future. Take the learnings from the relationship, combine them with what the client wants out of life, and design that into your hypnotic intervention!

Let's explore techniques that help us forge ahead with strength and clarity.

One transformative method is ego state work, which is particularly beneficial for those who feel their identity is deeply intertwined with their past relationship. This technique helps individuals distinguish their self-worth from their past experiences, fostering a healthier self-image and enabling them to see themselves as separate and whole outside of the relationship context. 

We are huge fans of the work of Dr. Gordon Emmerson, a brilliant man who authored many amazing books on the topic of ego states. We also have a full lesson dedicated to ego states inside the Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy including Mike’s own original interventions. 

MINDSCAPING is an innovative technique that offers a unique way to navigate past emotional hurdles. Imagine embarking on a guided journey within your mind, where you can creatively visualize and construct a future that's free from the shadows of past relationships.

This process isn't just about daydreaming; it's a structured approach that taps into your subconscious to redefine how you perceive past experiences. By engaging in this mental landscaping, you're essentially planting the seeds for a future where positive emotions flourish and painful memories lose their sting. It's like designing a mental garden where joy, peace, and resilience grow instead of sorrow and regret.

Another powerful approach is Freddy Jacquin’s technique, which offers a symbolic way to say goodbye to an ex. It’s a brilliant example of guided imagery. He has the hypnosis subject imagine the other person taking off on a train with baggage, and wave goodbye to them. This method allows for emotional closure, akin to holding a ceremony that marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. This is well-taught in his book “Hypnotherapy”.

Another guided imagery tool we love (and teach) is called “The New You” protocol. It takes a person on a guided journey where they overcome obstacles (healing), gather resources (empowering) and end the journey by approaching their future self living an empowered, improved life. 

The Journey Forward

The transition from heartbreak to healing is not about erasing the past but about transforming our relationship with it. By employing techniques that allow us to process, learn from, and ultimately grow beyond our painful memories, we pave the way to a future filled with new possibilities. 

Rather than attempting to erase memories of an ex, let's focus on building a future where those memories no longer have power over us. Embrace the journey of transformation with us.

At the Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy, we're committed to offering more than just quick fixes. We provide tools for deep, lasting change. Whether through MINDSCAPING, The New You protocol, ADAC or any of our other techniques, our mission is to guide you through the complexities of emotional healing with compassion and expertise.

Are you ready to turn the page? Join the Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy. Click here to get started for free.