How to Break the Habits You Don’t Even See

Filed under: Personal Growth

How To Break The Habits You Don’t Even See

But if it’s only a habit… it can be broken…

I love interacting with other species—mostly cats, dogs, raccoons, and the occasional possum.

I enjoy communicating with them, and by paying close attention and calibrating to the animal’s responses, I can often figure out what they want.

Take Chris’ dog Ollie, for instance.

Ollie is a small, butterscotch-colored dog who bonded with me early in his life. He has a ritual he absolutely must perform whenever he sees me.

I arrive at our studio at 9:30 a.m., and Ollie is already waiting, because Chris has told him I’m coming over. So when I walk in, Ollie is brimming with excitement, bouncing and leaping wildly down the hall.

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But it’s what comes next in his routine that really interests me.

Years ago, my wife bought a premium dog toy for me to give to Ollie. He was thrilled with his new possession, and the following week, when I arrived at the door, he immediately ran to get it, as if to show me he still had it and to say thank you.

And so it continued, week after week.

Until one day, it changed. Ollie began greeting me with different toys—sometimes waiting at the door with one already in his mouth. It was as though the pattern remained, but now it involved a variety of toys, none of which were specifically connected to me anymore.

My Egyptian Mau cat, Gwaihir, has his own patterns too.

Now, I’m not going to say that cats are mentally ill. I’d never say that.

But they are strange.

Gwaihir seems to have a built-in cesium clock that tells him when I should wake up. He runs his own howler monkey routine to force me out of the cozy safety of bed and into the unforgiving cold of the kitchen floor.

If I attempt to ignore his demands, he escalates—scratching the couch, leaping onto the bed, and checking to see if I’ve perished overnight by biting any exposed flesh. Eventually, I feed him, we play one of his bizarre games, and then things calm down.

Until lunchtime, when a new pattern emerges.

Dogs… cats… zebras… rabbits…

They all have their patterns.

And so do we.

It’s fascinating to consider how many patterns we all run on a daily basis.

Here I am, criticizing a cat for his patterns, yet I have my own: my morning coffee routine, my email check, and of course, my ritual of opening Apple News—just in case the world has ended while I slept.

Patterns are incredibly useful. They allow us to navigate life without constantly expending energy figuring out what to do next.

Patterns are simply habits—things we do often enough that they form neural pathways in our brains. Our friend and colleague Melissa Tiers believes that all addictions are just patterns.

And all patterns are habits.

Habits can be broken. Once you recognize a pattern for what it is, you gain more control over it. Even deeply ingrained habits that have run on autopilot for years can be interrupted.

With the tools available to us today, unproductive patterns can be disrupted, and new, more useful ones can be installed.

So here’s a thought: What patterns are you running without realizing it? And more importantly—what’s stopping you from breaking the ones that no longer serve you? If you’re ready for more control, more flexibility, and new possibilities, maybe it’s time to shake things up.

- Mike Mandel

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"I absolutely love the online course. It completely changed my life and consulting career. The information is the best I've ever seen. You guys are incredible at what you do. I love the course so much."

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Connecticut, USA