A Simple Exercise to Shift Your Mindset

Filed under: NLP Techniques

A Simple Exercise To Shift Your Mindset

Change can happen in a matter of minutes…

When I first began studying NLP in 1993, I had no idea where it would lead.

I initially encountered neurolinguistic programming through a Tony Robbins cassette tape series, where it was presented as a path to personal excellence.

At first, I was skeptical. But I quickly realized that NLP was indeed as powerful as claimed, and I went on to study it for several years, eventually becoming an NLP Trainer.

Of all the NLP patterns I had to learn and master, perceptual positions was one of the most fascinating, and also one of the most powerful. It’s so effective that I often demonstrate it to my class when teaching Architecture of Hypnosis in Toronto.

The premise is simple:

We all operate from at least three different mental perspectives, or positions.

First position is when you are fully immersed in your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s represented by the pronoun "I" and is entirely subjective—the position of self and ego.

Second position is the other person’s perspective. It involves mentally stepping into their shoes, experiencing their hopes, feelings, and beliefs. This is the position of rapport, where connections are made and maintained.

Third position is that of the observer. Here, you are mentally dissociated from both yourself and the other person, viewing the situation with objectivity, free from emotion or personal bias.

While we all use these three positions, it’s easy to get stuck in one.

For example, someone stuck in first position tends to be egocentric, making decisions solely based on their own interests. They’re often only focused on furthering their own agenda.

Someone stuck in second position, on the other hand, can be overly empathetic, feeling others’ pain too much. This can lead to a "weepy doormat" personality, where they habitually put themselves last.

Being stuck in third position isn’t ideal either. A person fixated here may become too detached from their own life, feeling like a passive observer with little emotional involvement.

The key is learning to shift between these positions as easily as shifting gears in a Porsche.

This flexibility allows you to maintain a strong sense of self and self-confidence, build bridges to others through empathy, and approach any situation with detached, objective focus.

Like any skill, practice makes perfect. Here’s an easy exercise I often demonstrate:

Set two chairs facing each other about three or four feet apart.

Think of a situation involving another person that requires resolution, or at least a new understanding. It could be something that’s been weighing on your mind and that you’d like to move past.

Sit in one of the chairs and fully immerse yourself in your own feelings, rights, and strengths. Imagine the other person sitting in the chair across from you. As you focus on them and the situation, notice your usual feelings about both.

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Now, give a name to the dynamic between you and this imaginary person. It might be something like "craziness" or "frustration."

Stand up, shake off the state, and sit in the other chair. Look back at where you were just sitting, imagining yourself in that chair. You’re now in second position, seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective. Feel their emotions, or at least imagine that you do.

Now assign a word to the dynamic from this new position. It may surprise you, but trust your instincts.

Next, stand up, shake off the second position, and move to a neutral spot to the side where you can view both chairs. This is third position. From this perspective, observe the relationship between the person in the first chair (you) and the person in the second chair (them). Assign a word to describe the relationship from this observer standpoint.

Finally, shake off the third position and return to the first chair. Notice how the word you initially assigned to the dynamic has changed. Often, it shifts naturally as you move through the process.

Now check in with yourself: How do you feel? You might experience closure or a new understanding. If not, you can repeat the process, gaining deeper insights each time.

Perceptual positions can help mend relationships, dissolve old negative emotions, and rapidly resolve all sorts of internal conflicts. And it’s just one of the many NLP patterns that offer us near-magical abilities to change not only others, but ourselves as well.

- Mike Mandel

To learn more about perceptual positions in NLP, click here.

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