Want people to like, trust, and listen to you almost instantly?
Rapport is one of those invisible forces that makes life easier. Whether you’re having a casual conversation, leading a business meeting, or guiding someone into hypnosis, rapport is what makes people feel comfortable with you. It’s what makes them trust you, listen to you, and—most importantly—enjoy being around you.
At its core, rapport is about similarity. People naturally like people who seem like them. That’s why we tend to connect with those who share our interests, speak our language, or move the way we do. But rapport isn’t just something that happens by chance—you can create it intentionally, and when you do, it changes the way you interact with the world.
The Meaning of Rapport
Real rapport isn’t about manipulation or trickery—it’s about building a connection. It’s about making the other person feel heard, valued, and understood.
This is especially important in hypnosis, where rapport is the glue that holds the entire process together. If your subject doesn’t feel connected to you, they won’t trust the process. But rapport goes far beyond hypnosis. It helps in friendships, relationships, negotiations, and even in sales. Every interaction in life is smoother when rapport is strong.
The good news is that rapport isn’t some mystical skill that only a few people have. It’s something you can build on purpose, and once you do, your ability to connect with others will skyrocket.
The Power of Mirroring Language
One of the simplest but most effective ways to build rapport is to reflect the exact words someone else uses.
If a coworker says, “I’ve been feeling really sad lately because my dog is sick,” the worst thing you can do is respond with something like, “I didn’t realize you were depressed.” They never said they were depressed. Instead, just repeat their words: “I understand—you’ve been feeling really sad. That’s tough.”
This might seem like a small detail, but it makes a huge difference. When people feel truly heard, they feel connected. And when you start paraphrasing and adding your own interpretation to what they say, you risk breaking that connection.
Dr. David Grove’s work in Clean Language showed that paraphrasing often muddies the waters. Words like sad, stressed, or love mean different things to different people. Instead of assuming, just use their words. When you do this, people feel like you get them, and that’s the foundation of strong rapport.
Mirroring Body Language and Proxemics
Rapport isn’t just about words—it’s also about movement. People feel more comfortable with those who physically mirror them, even if they don’t consciously notice it.
If someone leans in while talking to you, don’t lean back. If they sit relaxed, don’t sit stiff as a board. Instead, subtly match their posture. You’re not imitating them like a mime—you’re simply creating a sense of familiarity.
Then there’s proxemics, which is all about personal space. Some people like to stand close when they talk, while others need more distance. If you step forward and they step back, you’ve crossed an invisible boundary. Let them determine the space, and you’ll keep things comfortable.
A great example of this is the awkwardness people feel in elevators. In such a confined space, we’re forced into a level of physical closeness that normally only happens with loved ones. The moment the doors open, everyone naturally spreads out again, re-establishing their preferred proxemics. The key to good rapport is being aware of these natural boundaries and respecting them.
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Give Genuine Compliments
Flattery is obvious, but real compliments create instant rapport—especially when you include a reason.
Saying, “You’re really smart” might be nice, but it doesn’t mean much. Instead, if you see someone reading a complex book, you could say, “That’s a pretty advanced book—not many people take on something at that level. You must be a serious reader.” Now the compliment feels real, and they feel acknowledged.
People love to be recognized for their strengths, but only when it’s genuine. If you force a compliment or say something that isn’t true, they’ll sense it immediately, and rapport will break instead of build.
The Eyebrow Flash
When you see someone, smile first, then give a quick eyebrow flash.
This might sound silly, but it’s one of the most natural, human ways to signal friendliness. Every primate species does some version of this. It’s a nonverbal way of saying, "we’re on the same side."
Think about what happens when you run into an old friend unexpectedly. The moment you recognize them, your eyebrows shoot up for a fraction of a second. That’s an unconscious signal that says, "I see you, and I’m happy to see you." When you do it intentionally, you create that same warm feeling in the other person.
The Grinder Technique: The Ultimate Rapport Secret
John Grinder, co-founder of NLP, taught one of the most powerful rapport techniques ever—and it has nothing to do with body language or words.
All you have to do is pretend that the person you’re talking to is the most fascinating and important person you’ve ever met. That’s it.
When you do this, your entire body language, facial expressions, and tone shift naturally. You don’t have to force anything. Your brain’s mirror neurons will activate, and the other person will feel that you’re engaged.
This works because people love feeling valued. When someone senses that you genuinely find them interesting, they feel an immediate connection.
Want to make someone feel an instant connection? Get them talking about themselves.
People love to talk about themselves, and when you ask good questions, they feel important. That feeling of being heard and understood creates instant rapport.
The trick is to be genuinely curious. If you ask questions just to steer the conversation, it won’t work. But if you show real interest, people will naturally feel more connected to you.
Use the Person’s Name (Without Overdoing It)
People love hearing their own names. It’s like music to their ears. But if you overdo it, it becomes obvious and unnatural.
If you keep repeating someone’s name—“Well, Dave, let me tell you, Dave. You see, Dave…”—it’s going to feel forced. A well-timed name, however, makes the conversation feel personal.
Just make sure you get the other person’s name right. Call someone the wrong name, and whatever rapport you had is gone in an instant.
How to Break Rapport When Needed
Sometimes, you need to disengage, and one of the simplest ways to do it is through a postural shift.
CEOs and executives use this trick all the time. If they want a meeting to end, they don’t say, “Alright, time’s up.” Instead, they just stand up. That single movement sends a clear but unspoken message: This conversation is over.
This works outside the office, too. If someone has overstayed their welcome in your workspace, a simple shift in posture—uncrossing your legs, leaning back, or adjusting your position—can signal that the interaction is winding down.
Rapport isn’t a trick—it’s a skill. And like any skill, the more you practice, the better you get.
Start with just a few techniques. Mirror someone’s posture. Use their words. Smile first. Ask great questions. Treat people as if they are fascinating.
Do this consistently, and you’ll find that building rapport isn’t just easy—it becomes second nature.
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