You’ve seen it, or you will. A client pays for a session, says they want the change, and walks out exactly the same. In this episode of the Brain Software Podcast, Mike Mandel and Chris Thompson look at why people resist the very changes they ask for, and what a hypnotist, coach or therapist can actually do about it. The short version: resistance is information. It points to a need the problem is still meeting.
What You’ll Learn
- Conscious wants, unconscious brakes: A client can want a change consciously while their unconscious holds back, often because the change collides with a value they have never examined, like family.
- The price of change: Every result costs something, whether time, effort, comfort or relationships. Clients who won’t pay the price stall, and “I guess I should” is what that sounds like.
- At cause and at threshold: Change starts when a person treats their life as something they cause, and when they are ready to say something must change, it must be now, and it must be me.
- Secondary gain: Every persistent behavior was once trying to do something useful. Find what it gives the person, then find healthier ways to give them the same thing.
- Recruit the unconscious: Build rapport with it, go around conscious resistance with a metaphor, and test your work before the client leaves the room.
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Episode Summary
Mike opens with a problem every agent of change meets sooner or later: people who say they want something and then don’t do it. Sometimes the change runs against a value they hold without knowing it. Sometimes they want the result but won’t pay the price, whether that is time, effort, comfort or a relationship. And sometimes they were never at cause to begin with. Mike and Chris unpack the difference between “I guess I should” and a person who is genuinely at threshold, why some people collect therapists the way others collect trophies, and why charging properly for your work brings you clients who are ready to change. A free TV that nobody wanted, relisted at twenty-five dollars and gone the same day, makes the point better than any theory.
From there the conversation turns to why resistance makes sense. Procrastination can feel like progress when it is dressed up as research, and the cure is often education and a five-minute start rather than more therapy. Then secondary gain: Mike shares how his mentor Derek Balmer worked with drinkers by recognizing that the bar was where their friends were, and why the same logic applies to smoking, anxiety and outdated Retro-Avoidance ego states. Each of these behaviors is trying to protect or provide something. Take the behavior away without meeting that need, and the change won’t hold.
In the second half Mike talks about a fear he knows personally, wanting success while dreading the visibility that comes with it, and how the right question can expand a client’s map of what success could look like. They close with a practical frame for working with a resistant client: treat resistance as information, make friends with the unconscious instead of trying to overpower it, use metaphor to go around conscious objections, and always test your work before the session ends. When someone resists change, don’t push harder. Get curious about what the resistance is trying to accomplish.
Additional Resources:
Why Clients Resist the Change They Asked For
The Protector Part: Why Your Problem Is Trying to Help You
Why Treating Symptoms Fails and How to Find the Real Core Issue
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