Some people find it to be an elusive thing.
I am going to ask you a question today, one that can be surprisingly empowering if you give yourself just a few quiet minutes to answer it with honesty.
Here is the question, my friends:
What makes you happy?
I am not talking about enormous, once-in-a-lifetime events such as winning the lottery or sailing around the world. I mean the smaller, everyday things. The ones that might seem modest when you look at them one at a time, but when they are combined and repeated, they create a powerful and lasting effect on your life.
As I write this, I am sitting in our 600 square foot, uninsulated cabin on the shore of Bob Lake, a couple of hours north of Toronto. This place has become a refuge for me. Every year I spend three full months here, and at this point I still have nearly four weeks to go.
It is not exactly a spartan existence, since we enjoy excellent restaurants many nights, but compared to my usual life it feels much simpler and much slower.
Back home, in the third largest city in North America, I am surrounded by my possessions. There are guitars leaning against the wall, shelves full of hypnosis books and courses, and all the conveniences and distractions of urban life. Up here I live differently. An acoustic guitar, a portable piano, and a few well-loved poetry books are all I really need.
With WiFi and an iPad I can still follow the games of my beloved Toronto Blue Jays as they climb baseball’s rarified heights in pursuit of the World Series pennant.
From the outside, some people might see this as deprivation. For me, it feels like freedom. This stripped-down way of living is deeply fulfilling, even luxurious in its own quiet way. These small joys are what make me “happy”, that sometimes elusive state we all long for.
The British author Jerome K. Jerome described his idea of a good life in his brilliant book Three Men in a Boat, from the late 1800s:
“Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need: a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog… enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.”
Life, of course, has a habit of throwing us unexpected curveballs. Sometimes they come as small irritations and sometimes they arrive as overwhelming disasters. We cannot control everything. Yet even when chaos appears, there are still ways to thrive and remain steady.
Here is the key.
Take the time to discover the small, ordinary, beautiful things that make your life worth living, and then write them down. Make a list that is clear and personal. Keep it where you will see it often, and remind yourself of it.
Do you love cooking? Do you feel alive walking in crisp autumn air? Do you find comfort in keeping a journal? Do you enjoy listening to J. S. Bach as the morning light comes through the window? Do you laugh when you throw a Frisbee with a child? Do you feel restored sitting by a fireplace with a glass of single malt whisky? Do you marvel at the sight of a thunderstorm rolling across the sky?
If so, then do more of those things. As often as you can. Although, as you might guess, you may want to place some limits on the whisky.
Kurt Vonnegut often quoted a relative, who liked to say, “Well, if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.” It is a powerful reminder that happiness and contentment are not always hidden. Sometimes they’re right in front of us, waiting to be noticed.
When you deliberately weave more of what you enjoy back into your days, you strengthen yourself against the stresses and difficulties that are certain to arrive. You give your mind and heart a kind of shield that keeps you steady when life feels uncertain.
And so, as I finish this email, I hope this gentle reminder helps some of you, and perhaps even many of you.
Right now, as I type these final lines, I can hear Crackle, the enormous crow who has befriended me. He has arrived with his murder for their morning breakfast of peanuts that I scatter on the ground twice each day. He is cawing loudly, which I like to believe is his way of saying thank you.
And if that’s not nice, I don’t know what is.
- Mike Mandel
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