I find interspecies communication to be fascinating…
And no, I am not kidding.
Over the years, I have successfully communicated with a wide variety of animals. There was a white rat named Harris, who learned his name quickly and would leap up on the bars of his cage whenever mealtime arrived and he heard me calling him. He did not need a clock. He did not need reminders. He simply knew what was coming when he heard my voice.
There was also my bullterrier, Lockjaw, who had an uncanny ability to understand human speech. He despised balloons. When he attacked them with his enormous jaws, they inevitably exploded and vanished, which only reinforced his belief that balloons were evil, and must be eliminated. It eventually reached the point where if I said, or even spelled, the word balloon, he would erupt into a full scale barking festival until I stopped. Context, and tone made no difference. The signal was clear, and so was his response.
But most of all, I have always enjoyed communicating intelligently with cats. I have done this since I was very young. As a confirmed ailurophile, I have always built strong relationships with cats and found it easy to do so. My mother once told me that even as a small boy, I could pick up the nastiest, most disreputable alley cats and they would melt in my arms and purr. They sensed something. Or perhaps I did.
My Egyptian Mau cat, Gwaihir, is particularly good at letting me know what he wants. Of course, he can do the standard animal tricks, like singing for his supper when I ask him to sing. But he is far more sophisticated than that. He is an excellent communicator and very clear about his intentions, provided I am paying attention.
Just last night, he got up from his rug in front of the fireplace and walked over to the door that leads to our small garden. Then he turned toward me and meowed quietly, just once. No drama. No repetition. Just a single, well placed signal. I asked if he wanted me to open the inside door so he could watch the squirrels, raccoons, and possums that regularly appear behind our house. He immediately turned back toward the door, confirming that I had understood him correctly.
I opened the door and he stepped into the space between the door and the screen, sat down, and settled in to observe his little nocturnal acquaintances. This was not about going outside. It was about access and awareness.
A few minutes later, after the door was closed and the cold air sealed out again, Gwaihir came over to my leather chair where I was reading. He made direct eye contact with me and meowed once more. Again, one sound. Perfect timing. The message was unmistakable. He wanted my chair.
I surrendered it without hesitation.
He leapt up onto the seat and flopped down in obvious satisfaction, rearranging himself as if he had always owned it.
And so it goes.
Once we learn another species’ signals and actually pay attention to them, communication becomes surprisingly effective. But that effectiveness does not come from intelligence or cleverness. It comes from noticing. From being present enough to observe patterns, timing, tone, and intent without rushing to conclusions.
Which brings us to the far more complicated challenge of human to human communication.
Unlike animals, humans bury their signals under stories, assumptions, emotional history, and defensive reactions. We often respond not to what was said, but to what we think was meant. We fill in missing information with old experiences and then argue with our own interpretations as if they were facts.
Most misunderstandings between people are not caused by bad intentions. They are caused by poor calibration.
Calibration is simply the art of noticing what is actually happening. Tone of voice. Facial expression. Energy. Context. What was said. What was not said. And what shifted in the moment. It requires slowing down just enough to let reality register before emotion takes the wheel.
Animals do this naturally. Humans have to relearn it deliberately.
That is why calibration sits at the heart of effective police interviewing. When I taught the Advanced Interviewing Module at the Ontario Police College, this was a central skill. Not good cop/bad cop interrogation tricks. Not clever questions. Attention.
By calibrating efficiently, officers begin to notice personal tells that give the game away. A voice that cracks when a story is no longer solid. Evasiveness, not an outright lie, but a careful sidestep around the truth. Long answers that say very little. Or short answers that arrive too quickly.
And you learn just as much by noticing what someone does not say, as by listening to what they do.
And this same skill applies far beyond interview rooms and badge numbers; it’s actually central to our relationships too.
You see it when someone’s posture shifts as a topic comes up.
You hear it in the pause before an answer.
You feel it in the energy when someone realizes they are falling in love with you, and cannot quite hide it yet.
This is where clarifying questions become one of the most powerful communication tools available. Questions act as a pause button. They keep curiosity alive and assumptions in check.
Instead of reacting, ask.
Instead of assuming, check.
Instead of defending, get curious.
What did you mean by that?
Help me understand what matters most to you here?
When you said that, how did you expect me to react?
These are not weak questions. They are intelligent ones. They create space. They prevent unnecessary damage. They replace mind reading with actual understanding.
Just as a single quiet meow can carry clear meaning, human communication becomes far more effective when we slow down enough to truly listen, calibrate, and confirm before we respond.
So this week, pay attention to the signals around you. From animals. From strangers. From the people you love most.
Because understanding is not about being right.
It is about being attentive.
Assume less.
Notice more.
Ask better questions.
It works in gardens, interview rooms, and living rooms alike.
- Mike Mandel
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