Some people would rather lose their health, their money, and their dignity than simply say one tiny word: No. I know a man who lost hundreds of thousands this way.
And it was entirely his choice.
He simply cannot say no to anyone.
Always bending to the will of others, he carries a human flaw that parades itself as a virtue. The illusion whispers that saying yes to others makes us good people.
After all, we sacrifice our own rights and desires so someone else can have theirs fulfilled. We nod, we smile, and we agree to whatever is asked of us, even if the request is unreasonable, harmful, or flat-out dangerous.
It sounds pleasant enough. This constant yes avoids arguments. It sidesteps tension. It wraps us in the comfort of appearing agreeable.
But it can build a seething inner resentment…
Because nice is not the same as good.
And it is certainly not the same as right.
Picture this. You visit your doctor because you are doubled over in agony. She examines you and knows instantly that you have acute appendicitis. She also knows that if you are not in surgery within the hour, your appendix will burst, spilling infection through your abdomen and putting your life in real danger.
You tell her you are too busy to have surgery because you have deadlines at the office. You ask for strong painkillers so you can get back to work. She does not want to upset you, so she writes the prescription.
Two hours later, you are lying in the hospital morgue.
It is an extreme example, yes, but it illustrates the truth with brutal clarity.
Some people cannot refuse anyone, even when saying no would protect their own lives, finances, or well-being. They fear conflict like it is a raging wildfire, but in avoiding it, they burn themselves anyway.
I know a man who is everyone’s doormat. His reflexive answer to any request is yes. He mumbles complaints to himself, invents weak excuses, but when faced with even the smallest pushback, he gives in.
It happens again and again.
The result is painfully predictable. His adult sons have lost respect for him. So have most of the people in his life.
The worst example? He worked for an entire year without pay because his business partners, who were drowning in debt due to either gross mismanagement or outright dishonesty, told him that he had to.
He grumbled about it, but still showed up for work as if nothing had changed.
And it gets stranger. Not only did he work for free, but he poured his own savings into the company to keep it alive. Imagine paying for the privilege of giving your time, your skill, and your loyalty to people who were bleeding you dry.
When I asked if his partners would ever return the hundreds of thousands he had invested, he said, “I hope they do.”
I pressed him about their agreement. He admitted he had never read it, had no idea what it said, and that no one could even find a copy. “I think it will work out though,” he murmured.
As his friend, I wanted to march into his office, seize his business partner by the collar, and reintroduce his head to the nearest wall. But I no longer fight other people’s battles for them.
Instead, I told him to hire a forensic accountant and pull the curtain back on the whole mess.
“I can’t,” he replied. “They want to keep my money, and I just can’t say no to them.”
So I asked him the obvious question. Would he rather lose hundreds of thousands of dollars than simply ask for what was rightfully his?
His answer was yes. He said it without hesitation, as if there were no other option.
This man’s absence of backbone was not just frustrating. It was tragic. And it is more common than you think.
Many people have never learned how to say no without guilt. They have never been shown how to assert themselves without burning bridges. They move through life absorbing requests like a sponge, wringing themselves out for others until there is nothing left.
The good news is that this can be fixed. Anyone can learn how to say no with clarity, calm, and confidence. You can get what you want without an ounce of guilt and without starting unnecessary fights.
I spent years teaching this skill in boardrooms and training programs, and it works just as well for personal relationships as it does for corporate negotiations.
It does not take months to learn. You can pick it up in minutes, and with just a little practice, it will become second nature.
Best of all, it is free.
- Mike Mandel
Join the Brain Software Syndicate
The Brain Software Syndicate (BSS) is our low-cost ($9) private community for smart, motivated people who want self improvement and development (not to become a hypnotist). It includes over $670 in courses and trainings. We drop new videos every week.