What Nobody Told You About Motivation

Filed under: Hypnosis Training

What Nobody Told You About Motivation

By Mike Mandel

You don’t need motivation…nobody does.

A lot of people’s complaints are universal. Why? Because we share so much with the rest of humanity.

One of my brothers-in-law worked for the United Nations in Geneva and traveled the globe on their behalf. Wherever he went, he noticed the same essential truths: people, no matter their culture, fundamentally wanted the same things. A safe place to live. Food on the table. Clean water. A happy family.

Everything else—like the latest iPhone, video streaming subscriptions, or enormous televisions—was secondary.

As a therapist for seven years, and later as the communications specialist on CBC’s Steven and Chris program, I saw this firsthand. No matter the specifics of their stories, most people ultimately wanted the same thing: to feel better.

Of course, “feeling better” looks different for everyone. For some, it’s about earning more money. For others, it’s starting fresh in a new city. For many, it’s overcoming a serious illness. But whatever the goal, one universal truth remains:

You have to take action to change your life.

When I had my practice in the Beaches, an upscale neighborhood in Toronto, I saw this all the time. Many of my clients were affluent and successful, but they didn’t seem to realize that while a therapist could guide them, only they could do the actual work.

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Take my clients who wanted to quit smoking. Many of them had strange and inaccurate beliefs about their habit. They thought of it as an addiction, like being hooked on crack or alcohol. They’d come in expecting me to hypnotize the problem away, as if I could magically turn them into non-smokers without their involvement.

What they didn’t understand was that no matter the method—hypnosis, NLP, or anything else—there was one thing they couldn’t avoid: they still had to quit.

It was as though they wanted someone else to quit for them. Some even asked if I offered a money-back guarantee. I told them I did, but only if they followed my instructions to the letter. I promised them they could become non-smokers in one session if they just did one simple thing:

Stop smoking and never smoke again.

It was a brilliant double-bind, my own little Catch-22. If they stopped smoking, they wouldn’t want the guarantee—they’d already succeeded. If they smoked again, the guarantee was void.

Some people’s eyes glazed over as they tried to process this. Others complained that it wasn’t fair. I’d respond with the same question: “Do you really want to quit?” Because if they truly did, it was the best guarantee in the world.

Occasionally, clients would say, “I just wish I could find some motivation.” My response was always the same: “Where is motivation? If you can tell me where it is, I’ll go get it for you.” Then I’d explain the truth: nobody needs motivation.

What people need is to act.

No one—not even me—can act for them. This is where the concept of threshold comes in (see this blog post).

Threshold is the moment when a person can finally, congruently say:

Something has to CHANGE.

That something is ME.

And the change has to happen NOW.

I teach therapists around the world to avoid working with clients who haven’t reached threshold. Trying to push someone to threshold feels like banging your head against a locked door. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and ultimately pointless. That time is better spent helping the many people who are already at threshold, ready to do their part.

Because when someone is at threshold, change is simple. It’s like they’re sitting on a garden wall, and all the hypnotherapist has to do is give them a tiny nudge in the right direction. Without threshold, change is arduous at best and impossible at worst.

So if you’re stuck in any area of your life, you don’t need motivation. What you need is to take massive action now.

On the other side of that action, you’ll find your changed life waiting for you.

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Connecticut, USA